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Sunday, June 18, 2006
okay think it's abt time i start to recap my entire 2nd week of the hols!! haha beginning of the june weekend, we had the extraordinary EMERGE youth conference at CHC only! it was super.. i went for all the sessions cept for session 1 cause i had math tuition... yup it was a time of ultimate praise and worship=) haha and yes, jc/ci won the overall tertiary category!! with the mosty no. of medals!! =) yay!
yup it was a truly memorable time, as pastor laid hands on me, and i fell under the power of God.. it's just simply too amazing=) and during session 5, i received an amazing vision from heaven, of me being before God's throne, and clinging onto His majestic robe, crying with tears of joy at His feet... =) wow=)
okay on to mon, i attempted to dye my hair, but failed terribly, cause instead of getting lighter, my hair went a tone darker instead=S haha his fault!! ohoh and we bought cute new bottles!! =) beams=)
our cute bottles!!
tues was a slack day, spent the day doing simply fooling around, yup all the way till tuition, and went to shop around the pasar malam at gombak=)
haha silly face!
okay on wed, scary day cause i had a long talk with zav , and kel afterwards... issue was resolved thankfully,to prevent tragedy from occurring again on that same day=S
at bb interchange~
on the train!
sunday had dinner with kel's dad's side at riverview hotel... ended up playing with the chocolate from the fondue =)
haha sweet chocs!
yup on mon went ice skating! haha with qiu, jc, liy, kel, qiu's bro, bz and yawen! yups really fun, been a year since i went ice skating!! initially we had a lot of problems trying to find a party of 8, but we did it! and we had plenty of fun!! yups~ ate at ljs after=)
playing with JC's 9 pair of gloves at je mac
at the rink=)
qiu and i!
liy and i!
on tues, we celebrated our 3rd month=)
crazy faces
not-so-crazy faces
haha xinle said we'd end up having to wash dishes=S cause we won't be able to afford dinner=S
eating at nydc, holland v
reflection in the train on the way back!
kaela @
11:52:00 PM
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fact of the day: junrong got attached to bro junkang tdy.
kaela @
11:18:00 PM
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Wednesday, June 14, 2006
okay so we're 3 months... started to do a lil recaping and thinking... okay so we had one scary moment, the same cursed time period of my previous one... yes i don't want to see him suffer or having to compromise of accommodate.. it can get really tiresome i know... and although things are fine now, sometimes i get these moody spells... there's sth else bugging me, and while i can kinda guess what, i can't exactly finger it out specifically...
yah.. just as i was discussing with chun more than a month ago... the same issue is still carrying on... i get uncertain of my placing... sometimes i feel like i can't really match up to the earlier few.. in terns of sweet moments shared, looks, behaviors, self-sacrificing attitude, boldness, and so on... and i feel tired trying to meet up to them... it's like i'm subconciously trying to surpass them.. but i can't... i just end up feeling more inferior and lousy abt myself.. so mayb i'm over sensitive.. but aren't all girls the same? despite claims of being carefree and able to come clean and honest, i still feel like i have to examine and alter myself in ways to be more like them... and i don't like it... it nvr ceases to impact me how he feels cause i can read him like a cosy novel.. i notice the ease and willing attitude he takes whenever he converses with her.. and while i'm with him, he nvr fails to bring her up time and again, commenting on what they did, the fun times they had, reminiscing the sweet memories.. and watching his face brighten up while brining all these up, draws mixed emotions in me. initially i could ignore it, tossing it over my shoulder with a casual shrug, but now.. his words are starting to impact me more and more... day after day, i feel further less worthy, and not being able to match up to her.. perhaps it's jealousy, but i feel it's more than just that... how would you feel if he brings her up at least twice a week, smiling widely while re recaptures and shares the pleasant moments they shared? sometimes i wonder, like chunpin did, why are you telling me all that? i try to make him understand how i feel by reverting the same back to him, yet he shows no sign of being affected whatsoever... i get tired, but what else can i do?
and while all these, he feels unworthy of me for one sole reason, his financial status not being matchable to mine... so while i worry abt his real feelings, he worries abt my feelings with regards to money... so where does that put me? a sensituve girl who only cares abt money and higher pleasures.. i get so tired of guessing, and yet, i dunno how to ask... true, he may feel in debt to her, no problem with that. i'm just not sure if he can truely be as self-sacrificing for me, or if he truly appreciate me for who i am... sometimes i ponder, and i feel i understand how his 2nd felt, and her actions...mayb she had thought her friends and god-brothers could appreciate her better for who she was, and she could be totally carefree, not having to comply to this perfect girl stereotype embedded in him. sure it's not obvious, but after 3 months, his thoughts are becoming clearer to me. i don' want to be a burden. so given the choice, i'd willingly set you free. not just for you, but for me, so i won't end up losing my sense of identity.
kaela @
12:28:00 AM
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Saturday, June 10, 2006
i turn to you - mel c
When the world is darker than I can understand
When nothing turns out the way I planned
When the sky turns gray and there's no end in sight
When I can't sleep through the lonely night
I turn to you
Like a flower leaning toward the sun
I turn to you
'Cos you're the only one
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down
I turn to you
When my insides are wracked with anxiety
You have touch that will quiet me
You lift my spirit
You melt the ice
When I need inspiration
When I need advice
I turn to you
Like a flower leaning toward the sun
I turn to you
'Cos you're the only one
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down
I turn to you
Where would I be?
What would I do?
If you'd never helped me through
I hope someday if you've lost your way
You could turn to me like I turn to you
I turn to you
Like a flower leaning toward the sun
I turn to you
'Cos you're the only one
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down
I turn to you
I turn to you
When fear tells me to turn around
I turn to you
'Cos you're the only one
Who can turn me around when I'm upside down
I turn to you
I turn to you
I turn to you
oh some random song from long ago that popped into my head=) hmmm i seem to have a thing for nice old songs=)
oh yes and CALLING FOR ALL CRAZY SHOPPERS!!! i need a shopping buddy urgently!! =)
kaela @
10:29:00 AM
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Tuesday, June 06, 2006
NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! urgh stupid kel=S i'm gna change my password!! haha call me Tia, not Joyce!
kaela @
10:32:00 PM
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hey chicks and dude, i have changed my name to Joyce! officalllyyyy..
kaela @
10:28:00 PM
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Thursday, June 01, 2006
yay i'm lovin the hols=) haha
on the last day of sch, friday, went to play bowling downstairs=) kinda got inspired to bowl after watching xianming bowl=) haha as ambitious as he always is, kel tried to spin the ball (and he just started learning!) and he had a record of 10 dashes=S lol=)
sat, after boring tuition, had cg. went to look for zav at beans after=) haha i don't think we mugged=)
sun, svc. after svc, went to bukit merah CC to visit my old colleagues. been so long since i've been there... hal a yr? wow time flies man... kinda miss working there, quite a slack job, get paid for sociaising and slacking, and best of all, i get paid!! haha and the p[le there are not bad =) haha so i went to mingle with yati, and met mr lee and mr wong. haha they thought i was the new temp !! so they were kinda shocked why so coincidental, me again=) but noooooo. A's coming up. can't afford to screw up=S haha after catching up session, went to marina to meet kel's friends, cause he had to do project... and after 10 mins, the laptop's battery went flat!! so.... we just ended shopping and all=)
mon, had my chinese A's.. and NO, i did not fall aslp during my paper=) in fact, i stayed very much awake, cause or the darn cramps i had. it's tough to be a lady=S so after the paper, went to beans again with zav and meizhen... i don't recall mugging again=S haha gimme a break! hols just started, and i just took a paper!! =S
okays tues, it was slack day. it's the first day in months i have totally NOTHING on, cept till evening. so i pretty much stoned and slacked and slept thru the day, till econs tuition, and kel and i went pasar malam at gombak=) haha fun fun fun=)
wed, had math class in the morn, so i went back... haha so guai!! den i slept and i slept cause i was quite tired... and we played bowling again, and pool!! haha and of cause, table soccer=) so fun=) next time we shall gym and swim!!
thurs, had econs in the morning, so went to sch... hong rui came to study after.. quite fun actually, cause we kinda chionged mug den slacked den chiong again=) haha played guitar too!!
kaela @
10:47:00 PM